It’s late and I have a killer headache. I am beat, I have a laundry list of things to do not to mention a ton of laundry TO DO. My husband is working the night shift rotation and it’s my kids are sound asleep. The voice in my head is telling me to thank GOD for this moment of silence. I have so much to do I can’t even think about where to start. I have so many ideas racing through my head, then I open Evernote, and start jotting ideas in my TO DO list notebook, Emails to send, client meetings to schedule, 3 client edits, bills that I have to get paid, Oh crap do I have Maddie’s favorite cereal for breakfast in the morning, do I call my husband to pick it up or do I trade with him and run to CVS and get it at 6:15 am or do I just add it to the grocery list…Yes, this is how my brain works.
I put the phone down.
When do I need to make my next hair appointment? (Don’t pick up the phone again Wanda)
Did I add the new sitter to the school pick up list?
My new VA what task is she going to take on? (What did Sara recommend, Let me check the group) LEAVE YOUR PHONE ALONE!
God, what time is it…2:30 AM and I’m still up watching reruns of Grey’s Anatomy…
Sleep where are you?
I stop and remind myself that I am but one person. It is OK to not do it all. It doesn’t make me a failure, it makes me a mom. A mom who wants the best for her family but also wants to be present for her family. I have learned that I need to recognize that MY NEEDS can come first. I can’t keep doing these things and think it’s OK because it’s not. That’s when I need to remember that I have to put myself first; I need to stop, look and listen.
Stop driving myself crazy with thoughts and actions that are not serving me.
Look at what I am doing to myself; is it healthy? I need to sleep and eat. I need to take care of myself, to be a better mom and wife, and to be the type of photographer and coach my clients deserve.
Listening to the thoughts in my head are they thoughts that are filled with love and support. If they aren’t, they need to go. So this is what I did. I wrote it all down. For 5 minutes I wrote down random thoughts that went through my head.
Here are my thoughts:
AND this is how the conversation in my mind goes…
Turn off the phone Wanda,
it’s ok to be a little sad, sad is good it helps you appreciate the happy more
If you feel that tired, go take a mom nap it’s what you’d tell the kids to do. Resting your body is always acceptable.
Did you nourish your body today? Why not?
Call your friend, call Cindy, call your mom. call Sara.. Just talk to SOMEONE.
Call on the Queen…Queen Bee everything’s better after Beyonce.
Go for a walk and take a picture. Take 50 pictures.
Just do something that fills your soul.
Have Sushi for lunch. Yea, sushi is good.
So now that you have a glimmer into my head, this is what I say to myself to stop the ego from keeping me in that place of being small and not wanting to grow. That place of fear that has no real place in my life.
You are a WOMAN…You gave birth to people or at least may have the ability to give birth. You are a beautiful soul. You take care of things, You love, you cry, you hurt, often in silence. But no matter what are worthy. You run a home, a business, in the home or outside of the home you run shit and get it done. You make dinner, kiss the scraped knees, fix lunches, run the carpool. Take care of your furry children. You do all this in yoga pants or high heels.
You my friend; you are a woman. I am beautiful loving woman with a fire in her belly that no one can extinguish so after you have the above conversation with yourself as I did, take the power stance. You know the one I’m talking about. The pose that we do when riding in the elevator and think no one is watching (except that security camera but that’s OK because they need to learn to be bad ass too!) the Wonder Woman pose..BACK STRAIGHT, LEGS SLIGHTLY APART HANDS ON YOUR HIPS, SHOULDERS BACK AND THE LOOK OF ‘IS THAT ALL YOU GOT’ ON YOUR FACE.
Proclaim out loud I am a woman, I have earned these scares and while I may not feel great today, I will embrace them for what they are, part of me. The part of me that has made me strong, loving, forgiving, powerful, and able to recognize that I can do anything as long as I want to.
And say to yourself today I will do _____________________
Have a Marvelous day!